Coldeven 3: A Day of Mishaps. (Day 1)

Well, it's been an interesting day.

Lured (as usual) by the promise of easy riches, and the desire of my friend Asilky to find some old dwarven caves, we had traveled into the mountains. Mountain travel being what it is, I damn near froze my fingers off, and it was unpleasant enough without trying to hold a quill, so I didn't make any journal entries. Suffice it to say, I can't wait until I'm rich enough to pay some other fool to go freeze his ass off in the mountain snows in my stead.

Anyway, the gigantic dead Titan (without a mark on him) that we found probably ought to have warned us off, but we entered the cave behind him, climbed down a ladder, and found a huge, relatively featureless, room with two doors. I was hearing warning bells, especially when I couldn't figure out what the room had been used for, but there didn't seem to be anything actually dangerous, so I kept quiet. It's looking like I'll be cursing myself for that lapse of judgement for some time. Thusly, a new rule:

Spike's Principle of Objection: Reasonable Objections buy Respect.

If I object to something (without getting strident), and the group goes along with me, I've shown leadership, never a bad thing. They'll be more likely to go along with me in the future. On the other hand, if I object to something, am overruled, and it goes badly, they'll feel a sense of obligation to me for overriding my judgement, and, will be more likely to go along with me in the future. If, on the other hand, I object, am overruled, and things turn out well, I can always accept that I was wrong gracefully, which isn't likely to rub anyone the wrong way, and I've lost little. I see that as two winning outcomes and a draw.

Anyway, we opened one of the doors, and there was some sort of magical inky blackness. Now that set off warning bells for everyone, I'm sure, even Eaora. Eaora took her torch and stuck it through the door, which seemed smart enough to me, but she stuck her hand in with it, and then we were in the latrine up to our knees, because she couldn't pull it back out. I grabbed hold and really heaved, but she started wailing about it hurting, so I stopped.

Anyway, I was thinking that a competent priest would probably be able to get her a new hand, especially with her being willing to indenture herself to some bleeding heart cause or other, when she goes and sticks her other hand in. Maybe she could figure what I was thinking, because before I could say that regrowing two hands is probably just as easy as regrowing one, she moves forward into the darkness entirely. Everyone else, apparently worried about her safety, followed her, pretty much without discussion, while Lo-Kag and I were trying to decide on the best course of action.

Well, Lo-Kag and I figure that since we don't hear any screaming, and since B.B., Asilky and K are pretty rough customers, they probably don't need our help right away. Anyway, we check out the other door, which turns out to also be full of inky blackness, and stand there and discuss our options. To his credit, Lo-Kag suggested the obvious, heading back up out of the caves, but I had two counterpoints. One, friends are friends, and they're harder to replace than enemies, even if they are reckless idiots. And two, nobody sets up permanent magic like that unless they've got some serious coin-on-hand. I think he found the first argument the more compelling, which is like him. Lo-Kag talks a good game, but I think he sometimes has trouble with Spike's Cardinal Rule.

You know, it occurs to me that I haven't written my rules down in this journal yet, (other than the new ones) which is a real shame, because they probably constitute the only true wisdom I've acquired in my life. So, here's a few of my longer-standing rules off the top of my head.

Spike's Cardinal Rule: Always look out for Number one.

Never saw anyone who did well by ignoring this one. Value recieved needs to equal or exceed value given in every aspect of one's life. People who ignore this rule end up in the gutter. Show me a nobleman, and I'll show you someone who has this rule infused into their very blood and sinew. Everytime I've ignored this rule, it's ended badly.

Spike's Law of Goodness: Think about the big picture.

People that think of themselves as "good" are pretty good at this rule, but often suck at Spike's Rule of Selfishness (see below). You shouldn't take an action without thinking about its long term consequences. Breaking a deal, stealing from a friend, eating too much stew. All of these things may have positive short term benefits, but in the long term, they often cost far more than they're worth.

Spike's Law of Selfishness: Think about the small picture.

People that others think are "selfish" or "evil" are pretty good at this rule, but are hit-or-miss with Spike's Law of Goodness. Sometimes people can get too hung up on the big picture to realize when the short-term negatives have gotten out of control. Honoring with a bad deal that isn't going to get better, giving your life for a "noble" cause, never having any fun because one's lifestyle is too moderate. Maybe some of these things would have good overall consequences, but they're not worth it in any sane analysis.

Spike's Value Proposition: You can't buy beer with a magic sword.

A lot of people don't get this one. But it's really pretty simple. I had a magic sword once. It was nice. It shone in the sun, it never rusted, it was very sharp. But at best, it was just a little tiny bit better at killing folks, which is all a sword needs to do with itself. And there was this guy, who offered me more than 2000 gold pieces for it. He's a lot poorer, I'm a lot richer, and I'm pretty sure that I could still take him in a fight. So much for magic swords.

So, Lo-Kag and I go through the door, ready for trouble, and find ourselves in a big dark room, with our friends, and no way back. There's some out-of-luck orcs in there, who tell us (It turns out that Eaora speaks orcish too) that something in this place has wiped out their entire clan. Some of my friends tried to find out how big the clan is, but trying to get a decent estimate of numbers out of your average orc is like asking a halfling to scan a crowd. They're just not equipped for the job. Anyway, I felt kind of sorry for the orcs, and offered them a food for labor arrangement, but they turned me down, which is too bad for them I guess, because they're out of food. I considered making an appeal based on my slight orc heritage, but they probably wouldn't have cared, and I still don't want Asilky, B.B. and Eaora to know, as they seem to harbor some ill-will toward orcs in general.

We decided to start trying the doors out of the room, and as we move toward the first one, I got my chain ready, which produced some snickers from my friends. Sometimes I worry that they think I'm stupid just because I'm ugly, but I still think it was the right call. We hadn't been quiet while talking with the orcs, and there could have been anything behind that first door.

Anyway, we open the door, and immediately learn more bad news. There was a room full of dead kobolds and trogs, which means A) they'll let anyone into this dump and that B) my clothing all smells. BeeBee and I searched the bodies a little bit, but they'd been picked over (in more ways than one), so we backed off. While we were doing that, Lo-Kag discovered the other bit of bad news.

It seems that whatever people built this place left some fairly nasty magical traps lying about. Now I consider this something of a mixed blessing. On the one hand, B.B. is running herself ragged trying to keep up with the ingenuity of the builders, and a few of us have now been hurt. Lo-Kag looks really funny with that missing patch of facial hair. But on the other hand, no one goes to all this trouble to trap an area that has nothing valuable in it. So, the way I figure, that means there's something worth more than pixie dust in this forsaken place. (I'm not sure my friends share my opinion however.)

Anyway, there's not much else to tell. We were attacked by a swarm of rats, but beat them off fairly easily. B.B. dealt with another trap, and then she got attacked by a dark mantle. I was kind of hoping it would try to grab me next, but maybe it saw the armor spikes, because it jumped to K. After that, we made short work of it. Asilky got B.B., (who seemed a little shaken) back up on her feet, and we beat a retreat to a defensible room full of old rope and nails we'd found during the day's explorations.

I hope we find some decent loot tomorrow and can get out of this place soon. It's starting to give me the creeps.